Real Women Real Life – The Pain in the Offering

 

While we entirely enjoy sharing the pretty, tasty, eye catching side of life here at Take Six, we are also serious about learning from our community of women and their particular journey. 
“Real Women Real Life” is a series of different stories where our brave friends have opened up their private life to let us in. They share with us from the hard, heart breaking, “lesson-learning” side of their life.
Today we’ll be blessed by another such journey…

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After nearly 10 years of marriage, and never intending to have children, I found myself to be pregnant.  I was in shock.  I was scared.  I had decided long before I got married that I was not really the “motherly” type and that I would really not enjoy having kids of my own.  I had always enjoyed other people’s children and had served the Lord in camp and youth ministries since I was a teenager.  But motherhood…no!   It was something that I never felt equipped to do.

My husband was overjoyed with excitement.  He could not contain his happiness.  I do believe his excitement and joy began to wear off on me.  I went through several months of being very sick all the time, but the “morning sickness” eventually lessened and I began to sink into, and enjoy, the process of carrying a life inside me.

Christmas 2007 came and went and things were going well.  I had begun taking a low dose blood thinner (ASA) due to a stroke I suffered in 2000.  All looked well on my ultrasounds…until early January of 2008.  During a routine ultrasound it was discovered that my amniotic fluid was very low and that there were clots in my placenta.  These changes all occurred since my previous ultrasound only 5 weeks earlier.

My body shut down and things were moving in slow motion…so surreal.  Our Dr. that day was kind and compassionate but she was literally telling me my baby…Jack…was dying and that there was nothing medically possible that we could do.  Abortion was an option the Dr. legally had to put out there but we were adamant that abortion was not an option.  I was sent home on strict bed rest and Fragmin (a strong anti-coagulant) in hopes that it would help.

The days were so long lying in bed…waiting, hoping to feel a kick or a little movement in my belly.  I would pray and I would read the Psalms, pleading with God to save my baby, Jack.  I promised God all of the glory if He spared Jack’s life.  This was my prayer for many days as I waited.  One morning, as I was praying to God he spoke in my soul, not out loud, and He said, “Will you give me glory if I take Jack to be with me?”  It took me aback.  Was this really what I had heard?  I lay on my bed all morning wrestling with this and reading.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18

16 Rejoice always, 17 pray continually, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

The song “Blessed be the Name of the Lord” played over and over in my head.  God wanted an answer, and my answer was YES!

Several days later, at 32 weeks gestation, our boy died and I was overcome with grief and sadness.  The praise was hard to give.  It was given with tears and an aching heart.   Not a day goes by that I do not think of Jack.  I ponder what he may have been.  Would he have grown up to be like his wonderful father?  But I give praise…God has plans for us.

Just over a year after Jack died, we welcomed our little girl into the world.  She is a blessing and a miracle and I praise and thank The Father for her.

 

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For more Real Women Real Life stories, click on the “Inspirational” tab at the top of the blog.

 

 

 

April 9, 2013 - 2:03 pm

Heidi W - It is amazing the lesson the Lord tries to teach us even through the death of a child. It is 18 yrs ago this month we lost our Nathanael Lawrence. I was lying in the hospital bed with him being worked up down the hall (getting ready to be transferred to the NICU). The story of Abraham and his son Isaac is what God brought to my mind. ( At this time in our lives we were ready to walk away from church, but not God. We were tired of the politics, but something stopped us from leaving.) I broke down and gave Nate to the Lord. I said Lord, if this is what it takes for us to be the witnesses you need us to be then so let it be. Out of his passing many women who were still angry at God for taking their babies away from them came to be at peace with God. As hard as it was to see him go, I know the Lord had a better plan. We as a family are still serving the Lord today. Always looking for where we can help and bless others. Loving God and Loving each other.

April 13, 2013 - 3:12 pm

Tanya - Heidi, thank you so much for sharing your experience. It’s so exciting to hear you are trusting in God’s sovereign plan for your family! Bless you!

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