Real Women: Real Life ~ Depression #2

 

Welcome to entry #2 of our dear friend’s 
journey through depression.


Depression is part of who I am.  God is patiently teaching me how to view it as a gift.  On a bad day it is very tough to do that.  I’ve struggled with this illness for many years.  Like Paul in the Bible, it is my “thorn.”  Even though I am learning how to manage it properly (and I am a slow learner in this regard) it continues to torment me leaving me weak, frustrated and sinking low.  God doesn’t want me there, the enemy does.  I need my weapon, God’s Word.  (2 Cor. 12:9) “But he said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. “

 God understands and knows it’s overwhelming when I’m in a depressed state.  He knows it’s tough getting out of bed some mornings, tough making a simple meal for the family, tough coping with life in general.  He keeps reminding me that He is there and He’ll help me get through.  As much as I want this tormenting visitor to just plain leave me alone, it won’t.  I’m learning to accept it and learning to rest in Jesus during these hard times.  (Psalm 62:5,6) “Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”




Sometimes I just don’t know what to do.  I am a wreck.  I sit and I cry and I cry some more.  Simple tasks are overwhelming.  Life itself is overwhelming.  I cannot even muster the energy to get dressed and fix my hair.  The sun is shining, the birds are singing and I should be smiling, but I can’t.  It’s dark around me and lonely.  I feel like I’m sinking and out of control.  “Here I am again, Lord.  Please, help me get through this.”  I absolutely hate being here.  It’s awful.  I feel so hopeless.  I have a hard time praying.  I have a hard time focusing on good things, positive thoughts.  I feel scattered in my thinking and can’t even formulate my thoughts enough to pray.  God knows.  He gets it.  He reminds me that He’s got me and this problem.  Very often that’s all I need for the moment.  Words to a song come to mind as I go about my day and I feel encouraged, “Find rest my soul, in Christ alone, know his power in quietness and trust.”




Until next Tuesday,
Real 4 Him:)

Joining:
Fellowship Fridays

September 25, 2012 - 3:42 pm

Barbara F. - Tanya, you are so brave to write about this subject. I admire you greatly for doing it. I feel similar to what you described, and I blame it on menopause. But I spend lots of time praying, and I feel better when I do. xo

September 26, 2012 - 12:30 am

Designs By Pinky - Oh I feel so bad. You ARE brave to write about this. I am so fortunate to not suffer from this. I wonder if a gratitude journal might help at all? If you can think of ONE thing you are grateful for. Start easy, one a month, then maybe one a week etc. Maybe??? XO, Pinky

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